ughhh.

i really wish i knew wherethehell these mood swings came from. i was perfectly happy earlier, now i feel like i'm going to break down into tears. i don't know why. it's killing me, though, because this happens almost every night, no matter what i'm doing. at the end of the night, i break down, & i either cry, or almost cry. sometimes, i don't even sleep because i'm crying so hard & for so long, & then other times, i cry myself straight to sleep. & people wonder why i'm always tired during the day.
it's because during the day, i'm happy, & i can sleep when i'm happy.
not at night. i don't know if it's my panic attacks or just me, but it sucks.
plus, i'm in pain. not the typical, sore pain. i'm in legit pain.
people say i complain too much, well, here's what's up:
LYME DISEASE SUCKS. especially being eighteen years old & having this disease that is going to cause degeneration in every join in my body, be passed on to my kids, & will never be cured. it sucks. i would love to see the people that talk about me complaining get diagnosed with this shit & live to not complain. because it's impossible. the smallest physical activity completely drains me, & it's almost impossible for me to do my job correctly without going to the basement at work & crying for a few minutes. i can't go out & do the stuff i would normally love to do because i'm either in pain, or in the middle of a panic attack, or my medicine's messing with me & i'm sick. so next time you want to talk to ME about complaining, just imagine being a vibrant, eighteen year old girl with her entire life ahead of her, & then finding out that in the future, there will be years cut off from my life, my kids will suffer from this, & i will be in & out of doctors offices for the rest of my life. you sit there, hear that, & don't complain.
bunch of pussies. you wouldn't last more than a week.
i'm a strong person. i've learned that i will complain, but i will be okay eventually. so don't you ever, EVER tell me that i complain too much, until you feel like you're a 90 year old man with arthritis & fibromyalgia.